


"fear not, then," said the angel

by jvrt



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Christmas, Christmas Caroling, Christmas Decorations, Costumes, First Kiss, Holidays, Ice Skating, M/M, Mistletoe, Shyan Writing Events, shyansecretsanta2k18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 07:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17178125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jvrt/pseuds/jvrt
Summary: five times they took part in holiday traditions for a video, and one time it was just for them.written for the 2018 shyan secret santa.





	"fear not, then," said the angel

v.

 

Ryan’s been working at Buzzfeed for about three weeks when he’s asked to appear in a video. At first he’s delighted, feeling honoured and excited that they thought he had enough talent to be on screen, but he soon realises he should have been wondering why they were desperate enough to ask him.

It turns out very few people were interested in what the video entailed — sure, plenty of people were lined up to film, work on the sound, or edit it — but hardly anyone wanted to be involved when it came to being on camera. They had good reason, Ryan supposes, when he sees the costume Daysha pulls out of a large bag.

“I- _what_? What is that?” He asks, even as he takes it from her and runs his hands over the frilly material.

“It’s a traditional costume,” Daysha replies, handing out more to the rest of the group that she’s managed to rope into the video. “For carolling.”

Ryan unfolds the costume fully, realising it’s a full three piece suit, plus top hat and cape, coloured a deep purple which makes the whole outfit look like it belongs in a tacky magician’s show rather than part of a Christmas video, even if it is at Buzzfeed. “Do we have to wear these?” He looks at the rest of the group, hoping they agree that this is not a good look.

“That’s the whole point,” Daysha says. “The video’s about whether Christmas carolling has any place in modern society. The costumes help place the time period.”

Ryan still isn’t convinced that this is completely necessary, but still, he’s going to be in a video, and everyone else seems to be on board, so he sucks it up and goes to the bathroom to get changed.

 

When they assemble in the parking lot fifteen minutes later, Ryan’s surprised by how good everyone looks. Sure, they look like they’ve taken a wrong turn on their way to a play set in the 1800’s, but they at least match one another -- Jen has a maroon dress and matching bonnet, while Daysha has the same outfit in deep forest green. Ryan’s purple velvet ensemble isn’t as bad as he thought it would be, although he is starting to sweat. It’s the end of November, but in LA the seasons never seem to change. He’s about to ask where Shane went when he hears the office door open and turns around.

Shane’s in a dark blue suit, wearing a waistcoat adorned with gold and black swirls. The cape he’s wearing is shorter and somehow more distinguished than Ryan’s, and he takes a moment to feel jealous before his eyes reach Shane’s face and he bursts out laughing.

Shane has a monocle, which he’s desperately trying to keep on by tightly holding his left eye closed, and a fake handlebar moustache which partly covers up his mouth. To top it all off, he puts his top hat on and that’s when Ryan sees the cane.

“You look like the Monopoly man,” he manages to get out while wheezing from laughter.

“That’s Mr Peanut,” Shane replies, adjusting his hat. “The Monopoly man doesn’t have a monocle.”

Ryan’s distantly aware of the crew recording this, and he knows a solid minute of footage of him laughing won’t be useful in the edit, but he’s feeling tears springing behind his eyes and he’s bent over double, not even entirely sure why he finds it so funny.

“How are you going to sing wearing that?” Daysha asks, rolling her eyes even as she smiles. “It’s just going to fall off.”

Shane shrugs and gestures towards the parking lot gates. “We’ll deal with that later,” he says, using the hand not holding the cane to grab Ryan’s arm and help him stand up properly. “Right now, we’ve got some carolling to do.”

 

iv.

 

It’s the start of December, and the entire office is rushing around trying to get their videos finalised before the Christmas rush. Ryan’s actually pretty calm, for once; he and Shane recorded their voiceovers for the Unsolved Christmas special a week ago and sent it to the animators the same day, so it should be out perfectly on time. The only downside to being caught up with his work is he gets roped into other projects and has no valid reason to say no.

This is how he ends up at a table with Shane, building a gingerbread house and desperately trying to get a blob of royal icing to look like a ghost.

“It’s supposed to be haunted,” Ryan says, frowning as his fingertips get covered in icing. They’ve been bickering on and off ever since neither of them could get the roof to go on without one of the walls caving in. In the end Shane globbed far too much icing on the spaces between each piece while Ryan held everything in place and hadn’t let go for five minutes straight in the hopes that it would solidify enough to keep everything together. So far, so good.

“Haunted by what? The ghost of your artistic abilities?” Shane asks, sticking candy canes around the doorway. “Why would the ghosts be on the outside of the house anyway?”

“Because I can’t put them inside,” Ryan replies as he gives up on shaping the ghost and licks the sugar off his fingers. “Plus a lot of ghosts haunt attics, so it makes sense to have them on the roof.”

“First of all, ghosts aren’t real, and secondly don’t try to justify your lack of creative ability by lying about ghost lore.”

Ryan snorts. “Oh, yeah, because candy canes are so creative, right?” He rolls his eyes and uses the black icing to dot some eyes and a mouth on his ghost, and while the shape still isn’t overly ghoulish, the overall image is at least recognisable, and that’s all he could hope for. He smiles slightly at it, and that’s when Shane grins and brings out his pièce de résistance.

“Actually, if you’ll look at the work I made earlier,” he says, pulling out an aluminium foil package from somewhere under the table. “You’ll find I’m plenty creative.”

Ryan has no idea when Shane had time to prepare something, since Ryan himself didn’t know he’d be in this video until half an hour ago, but he watches as Shane unwraps the foil to reveal two gingerbread cookies. One is a child sized gingerbread man, and the other is…

“Bigfoot?” Ryan asks. “You made a bigfoot gingerbread man?”

“It’s me,” Shane replies, smiling. “I couldn’t find any cookie cutters that accurately represented how short you are compared to me. This is the next best thing.”

Ryan stares at the cookies as Shane uses icing to make sure they stand in front of the house. As he sticks the little Ryan cookie down, he starts muttering, “this week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we investigate this shoddily made gingerbread house as part of our ongoing investigation into the question: are gingerbread ghosts real?” He’s doing his Ryan Voice and even completes the spiel by making the bigfoot cookie turn a couple of times, clearly indicating it shaking its head.

That’s what makes Ryan lose it. The ridiculousness of the situation, him covered in sweets trying to decorate the house, and Shane having somehow prepared this beforehand, looking at him from the corner of his eye as if to gauge Ryan’s reaction even as he smiles and lets go of the cookies, making sure they stay in place. Ryan starts laughing, head thrown back and cackling a little, and okay, maybe it’s not that funny, but he can’t breathe for a second and he’s overcome with some kind of feeling he doesn’t want to attempt to understand, so he lets himself give into the laughter, lets Shane and the crew behind the cameras think he’s finally lost it, because for all Ryan knows, he has.

 

iii.

 

“This is dumb,” Ryan says, picking tinsel out of the box.

“It’s almost Christmas. We need to decorate.” Shane’s stringing up lights along the top of the bookcases in their Postmortem set, so tall he doesn’t even need a ladder or step stool to tape the lights up.

“We can’t even fit a tree in here!” Ryan’s been left to the bigger decorations, the tinsel and baubles and tacky snowflake garlands. He’s trying to place them on top of the books, in between the shelves, but everything he does makes the space look worse, like he’s never experienced Christmas before and has enlisted the help of some kindergarteners to show him the true meaning of the season.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t feel the tree in our hearts, Ryan,” Shane says, and Ryan has a moment to think _what the actual fuck_ before Shane continues, “or just use the horse. Stick some tinsel on it and call it a day.”

Ryan does exactly that, wrapping gold and green tinsel around the horse statue a few times until it’s unrecognisable, and then he hangs a few baubles on top for good measure. It’s a mess, but they’re running short of time, so Ryan gives up. “Fine, alright, how’s that?”

Shane tilts his head at the monstrosity, but plugs the lights in and says, “looks good. Costume time?”

Ryan watches the set light up, the fairy lights set to twinkle in a way that he’s sure will make the episode a nightmare to edit, so he doesn’t register what Shane says for a moment. “Wait. Costumes?”

Shane nods and tosses a plastic Party City bag at Ryan, before leaving the set to go get changed. Ryan takes one glance at what’s in the bag and groans.

 

They come back to set ten minutes later, and in that time TJ’s set up the cameras. He’s not looking as Ryan and Shane walk in and sit down, so when he turns around he’s so shocked into laughter that he actually drops the mic packs he was holding.

“Shut up,” Ryan says, trying to glare at him. It’s not easy to look threatening like this; he’s wearing a bright green jumpsuit that can barely be called an elf costume, with pointed ears and a hat, while Shane is dressed in a Santa suit, complete with huge white beard and pillow-stuffed stomach. TJ just keeps laughing, picking up the mics and handing them to the boys before walking behind the cameras and setting them to record.

 

The episode itself goes well, and by the end, Ryan’s almost forgot about the costumes and ridiculous set design. Of course, that’s when Shane starts the Hot Daga, and to Ryan’s delight, he keeps having trouble getting his lines out with the beard getting in the way.

“Just take it off,” Ryan says after the third time Shane’s Gene voice gets cut off by spitting pieces of white fluff out of his mouth.

“I can’t,” Shane replies, in that quick, dismissive tone he gets whenever Ryan interrupts his story. “It’s fine, I’ll keep going.”

As Shane launches himself back into the world of animated foodstuffs, Ryan rolls his eyes and watches him. Shane looks good, even in the suit and hat and beard, which actually looks better quality and more realistic than--

“Did you glue that on?” Ryan doesn’t even realise he’s spoken until he’s already said it, and he mentally curses himself for making the Hot Daga take even longer now.

Shane stops in the middle of one of Mike Soup’s lines and turns to Ryan, grinning. “I’m committed to the bit, baby.”

TJ has given up on operating the cameras, instead holding his hands over his face, either in disappointment or to keep from laughing.

Ryan’s been staring at Shane for too long, he knows, and he knows he should make a joke now and insult him, but he can’t think of anything to say, so after a moment he simply reaches up and tugs on Shane’s beard.

Shane yelps a little, jumps a bit, and bats Ryan’s hand away before continuing his story. Ryan forces himself to look away, tries to get into his usual ‘the Hot Daga is literal Hell on Earth and I hate it with every fibre of my being’ mindset, but every so often he feels a smile tug at his lips.

 

Later, when he’s getting changed into his regular clothes, he runs into Shane, changed out of the Santa suit but still wearing the hat, trying to dissolve the glue at the bathroom sink. He’s got most of the beard off, and he’s scrubbing at his chin with a towel, leaving his skin slightly red. Ryan stops dead in his tracks and stares at him through the mirror, which Shane doesn’t notice since he’s focused all his attention on the bits of glue stubbornly sticking to his face. When he finally does look up and meet Ryan’s eyes, Ryan turns bright red, embarrassed at being caught, and improvisation has never been his strong suit, so he picks a bit of white fluff off of Shane’s sideburn, says, “you missed a spot,” and hurries out of the bathroom.

When he sits down at his desk, he just keeps telling himself he’s not thinking about Shane’s mouth, lips, neck, all red and disheveled. Really, he’s not thinking about it. Not at all.

 

ii.

 

“C’mon, big guy,” Ryan says as he pulls on Shane’s arm. “It’s our turn to get all _Disney on Ice_.”

Shane glares up at him from his seated position, putting on gloves and making sure his laces are secure.

Steven had sent an email around the office last week, letting them know he was making a video comparing three different ice skating experiences at three different price points, and when Ryan found out each experience required two people, he’d signed him and Shane up. Ryan had taken hockey lessons as a kid, was even on a team in middle school (they won the cup twice, then Ryan got bit by the basketball bug and left his skates abandoned), and he hoped he still remembered enough to get by. The main reason he signed up was he heard Steven and Andrew were filming a skating experience themselves, and Ryan felt like the Ghoul Boys had a duty to one-up the Worth It boys.

This, of course, was before he realised Shane didn’t know the first thing about ice skating.

“Fine,” Shane says, and the way he wobbles as he stands up has Ryan concerned. He hangs on to Shane’s arm, helping him take a few steps. Shane turns to the camera, “I hope you’ve got paramedics on standby.”

 

They walk out of the locker room, and Ryan gets on the ice immediately. He skates a short distance away, then turns to Shane and smiles. “Alright, let’s go.”

Shane is still glaring, but he takes a step, and his foot immediately slides away, leaving him almost doing the splits, his other foot still caught on the rubber mats.

“Jesus, dude, you’re like Bambi,” Ryan laughs as he skates back over and holds out his hand. “Here, I’ll take you around the rink a couple times.”

He thanks God the rink is empty aside from them and Adam, who’s filming and actually _ridiculously_ good on the ice. Shane slips a few times as he stands up straight, but finally gets up and holds on to Ryan’s arm like he’s an old lady trying to cross the road. He keeps his feet still, and Ryan’s left to practically drag him across the ice.

“Alright, you gotta move your feet,” Ryan says, inching away from Shane slightly. He holds his arm out so Shane still has a steady surface, and exaggerates his movements for Shane to watch. “No, not like that, you’re not meant to be walking. Have you ever been roller skating?”

“Do I look like I’ve been roller skating?” Shane asks, and the effort of speaking while trying to skate has him slipping, letting go of Ryan, arms helicoptering as he tries to regain balance.

Ryan slides in closer and holds Shane’s waist to keep him steady. “Okay, okay, calm down,” he says, trying not to laugh. He slows them down, then skates steadily, holding one arm around Shane’s waist. Shane holds onto Ryan’s other hand tightly, and Ryan feels bad for making him do this. “We can stop, if you’re really not comfortable. Steven can find someone else to do this part.”

Shane shakes his head and takes a deep breath. “No, it’s fine, I’ll be fine, just- I don’t wanna fall.” He frowns down at his feet as he tries to move them again, and Ryan encourages him by letting his own feet move slower, showing him what to do.

“I won’t let you down, big guy,” he says, and he’s so busy concentrating on Shane’s footwork that he doesn’t look up to see the huge grin Shane sends his way.

It takes five laps around the rink before Shane feels comfortable enough to skate without Ryan’s steady presence at his side, but he holds onto Ryan’s hand tightly for the rest of the hour, and Ryan, true to his words, makes sure Shane doesn’t fall once.

 

i.

 

“We’re here to try different holiday traditions from around the world,” Shane says, looking into the camera, and Ryan tries not to roll his eyes. He knows it’s payback for the ice skating thing, Shane volunteering them for a video where they might have to eat fried moth larvae or decorate a tree with spider webs. The way Niki explained it, they’ll get a box placed in front of them, and whatever is in the box is the tradition they have to do. The rest of the pairs filmed theirs earlier, but Shane and Ryan were filming a Postmortem, so it’s their turn last. Ryan had tried to get them to reveal what traditions had already been done, but everyone seemed to have taken a vow of silence on the topic. Ryan hates his coworkers sometimes.

“You ready?” Niki asks, placing a wrapped gift box on the table in front of them. Shane’s grinning, and Ryan shakes his head, mentally praying for the Japanese tradition of eating KFC. That’s something he can get behind, unlike the creepy horse skull thing Wales has going on. Maybe, he thinks to himself, it was a stupid idea to spend all of last night googling weird holiday traditions because he was paranoid about what was going to come up. Rather than reassuring him, it made him freak out even more, and he knows he’s done a lot of weird stuff for Buzzfeed, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

Shane offers the box to Ryan, and he opens it with such dread that he actually sighs in relief when he sees what’s in there. Then his brain reboots a little, and he goes straight back into panic mode, eyes widening in fear.

Shane watches his reaction with amusement, then reaches into the box to pull out whatever’s in there. “It can’t be that bad, Ryan, it’s just- … oh.” He trails off and stares at the mistletoe in his hand, blinking once or twice.

“Have you heard of this tradition before?” Niki asks, smug as she adjusts the camera slightly. “It’s pretty widespread now, and nobody knows exactly when it started, but it was popularised in Victorian England.”

“Did they… eat it?” Ryan asks, hoping to God the obvious isn’t about to happen, that there’s another way out of this.

“It’s toxic,” Shane replies quickly, frowning. “You can’t eat it. You have to…”

“Kiss under it!” Niki finishes with glee. If Ryan could think about anything else right now, he’d be thinking she’s taking far too much pride in this.

Shane’s the first one to break out of whatever spell the mistletoe put them under; he takes the box off the table and places it on the floor, but keeps holding the mistletoe.

“Should I hang this somewhere, or…”

“Nah, just hold it up,” Niki replies, again adjusting the camera. “I’m ready whenever.”

Ryan looks at Shane, and he licks his lips and swallows, nodding once. “Alright, big guy,” he says, leaning in slightly closer.

Shane lifts his arm and holds the mistletoe above their heads, then leans in.

Ryan doesn’t know what he’s expecting, as he closes his eyes, but he keeps telling himself _it’s just for the video, it’s fine, you’ve kissed people for videos before_ , but something about this is different, _feels_ different, and he doesn’t want to examine-

Oh.

Shane’s lips are on his, and they’re softer than he expected. He’s gentle, pressing his lips carefully against Ryan’s, clearly trying not to invade more than he has to. Ryan’s brain tells him that’s smart, that the kiss only has to be a quick peck before it’s over, they an stop, but Ryan’s body has other ideas.

He leans in closer, parts his lips and presses his tongue against Shane’s mouth. Shane makes a soft noise and opens up for him, and Ryan licks his way into Shane’s mouth without thinking about what he’s doing.

He feels Shane’s hand run through his hair, hears him drop the mistletoe and put his other hand on Ryan’s neck, pulling him in closer, and oh, oh no, Ryan is so fucked.

Ryan forgets the camera is even there, that Niki is in the studio with them, and he reaches to grab Shane’s shoulders as he deepens the kiss, tilting his head some more for a better angle and smiling as his nose bumps against Shane’s. He laughs a little, and Shane swallows it, and Ryan tries not to moan at the feeling of Shane’s stubble against his chin.

Niki coughs, and Shane pulls away from Ryan with such speed it might break the sound barrier, and Ryan is left staring at him, blinking as he registers what just happened.

“Well, guys, I thought you’d go for a cheek or the classic kiss on the forehead, but, good job!” Niki says. “Way to stick it to toxic masculinity, huh?”

Around now is when Shane would usually make a joke, Ryan knows, but instead he just looks up at Niki and asks if they’re done. When she nods, Shane takes off his mic and leaves the studio without another word.

Ryan doesn’t move, just looks down at the fallen mistletoe on the floor, and resists the urge to kick it.

 

Their part of the video never comes out. Niki doesn’t say anything about it, just publishes the video the next week with everyone else in it, and Ryan watches it forlornly, wondering if she knew how he felt, if this is what the whole ‘gay solidarity’ thing is about.

 

+1

 

In the middle of January, they film an episode of Unsolved in Alaska. Things haven’t been that bad between them, lately; the mistletoe video was filmed on their last day of work, and over the holiday break they texted like normal, tweeted each other when it made sense, and just never talked about the kiss. They came back to work and back to shooting Unsolved, and yeah, sometimes it feels like the elephant in the room, but most times it feels fine, as long as Ryan doesn’t let himself look at Shane too long.

The location they’re filming in is an old children’s home, and the stories that surround the place are dark enough that Ryan goes onto the grounds already feeling a sense of dread, but that’s nothing compared to the feeling that washes over him as soon as he steps foot in the building. He maintains as much composure as possible while telling Shane the story, aware that the more he messes up, the longer it’ll take, and the more time he’ll have to spend here. Still, he doesn’t rush it, and tries to make his way through the investigation with as much enthusiasm as usual. But when the ghosts he’s jumping at are probably scared, orphaned little kids, it makes it that much harder to continue on. He feels like he’s intruding, encroaching on a space that he has no business entering, even as he tries to speak in calm, soothing tones and ask the kids if they’re alright, if there’s anything he can do to help them.

Even Shane is more subdued, whether due to his own reservations about telling a group of kids to fuck off, or due to Ryan’s weird mood, Ryan doesn’t know, but it only serves to unsettle him more. As much as he hates Shane’s lack of belief in the supernatural, he appreciates how Shane reacts to the ghouls (or lack thereof), how badly he treats them and yells insults at them to get them to do something, or just to prove they aren’t real. Nine times out of ten, when Ryan’s scared, Shane will call the ghost a douchebag and ask it to piss on his shoes, and Ryan will be too busy laughing to remember why he was frightened in the first place.

Here, though, it feels different, and he wonders if Shane picks up on the negative energy too, but he doesn’t ask; somehow, it’ll only make him feel worse if his suspicions turn out to be true. So he makes his way through the building almost on autopilot, doing his best to push his fear to the back of his mind the way Shane’s explained countless times. It works, up until around five in the morning, when it’s time for the solo investigation, where they’re supposed to sit in an old bedroom and talk to a young boy who died from a long, drawn-out illness. Ryan’s always believed ghosts manifest with more energy if they were killed in a sudden or traumatic way; anyone being murdered, or in a freak accident. There aren’t many accounts of vengeful ghosts that died peacefully in their sleep. It’s this thought he keeps repeating in his head as his time ticks down, sitting in silence on the dilapidated bedframe and trying not to squeeze his eyes shut. _You’ll be fine,_ he thinks, _do not be afraid_. He’s sure his time must be up soon, and he’s about to yell to Shane to ask when he feels the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He wants to turn around and check behind him, but he’s paralysed with fear. He isn’t sure what to do; if he says anything he might miss an EVP, but if he doesn’t speak the entity, whatever it is, might get angry with him. He’s still weighing over his choices when there’s a loud slam against the window, and he bolts from the room quicker than he’s ever done anything in his life.

Shane’s waiting down the corridor for him, looking confused, and when Ryan explains what he heard, Shane tries to say it must have been a bird, or the wind, or something, but he doesn’t linger on it too long. He must really feel sorry for Ryan, who’s wide-eyed and shaking slightly, because he allows him to wrap up quickly and head for the hotel without even an ounce of mocking.

When they get back to their room, Ryan’s surge of adrenaline has left him and he’s crashing, so he kicks off his shoes, collapses onto his bed, and falls asleep within seconds.

 

He wakes up to the sound of the door closing, a soft voice asking a question. He rubs his eyes sleepily and rolls over, still too asleep to respond verbally.

“Ryan?” Shane says, and through his sleep-bleary eyes Ryan can see Shane holding something behind his back.

“What’s up?” Ryan asks, yawning through the words. He shuffles over and puts his glasses on, blinking a few times to focus his vision. “What time is it?”

“About eleven,” Shane says. “I, uh- we don’t have to, but, I was out getting coffee and- the store had one left, so I thought we could… go sledding?”

Ryan stares at him for a moment, frowning as his sleep-addled brain tries to catch up with Shane’s words. Shane looks more and more desperate as Ryan takes the time to process it, and he opens his mouth to speak when Ryan finally replies.

“Yeah, sure,” he says through another yawn. “Give me a minute to get dressed.”

 

There’s a large hill just behind their hotel, so they take the wooden sled and climb it, and Ryan’s thankful their ghoul hunting boots are waterproof. The snow is deep enough that it’s soaking into Ryan’s jeans as well, and he’s already disgusted by how soaked they’ll be at the end of the day.

Shane, having grown up in Illinois, is of course more comfortable in the snow than Ryan is and he handles it easily, walking ahead and making a path that Ryan isn’t ashamed to say he follows. He’s shivering enough without having to forge his own path, so walking through Shane’s footprints provides a welcome sense of reprieve.

“Alright,” Shane says as they reach the top of the hill. “You wanna go first?”

Ryan stares at the slope with trepidation; he’s not scared, it’s just that he’s not used to snow and could count the number of times he’s been sledding on one hand. “Uh,” he says eloquently, “nah, you go ahead.”

Shane rolls his eyes. “Get on the sled.”

“What? No, you go first! Seriously, go ahead, it’s cool.”

“We’ll go together,” Shane replies, setting the sled down and getting on the back of it. “Get on.”

Ryan isn’t sure about this, but Shane tugs on his arm, so he sits down in front of Shane. The sled isn’t big enough for both of them, really, but Shane shuffles in close and wraps his arms around Ryan’s waist, keeping the sled steady with his feet digging into the snow, and, wow, Ryan is so _not_ going to examine that feeling in his stomach.

“You ready?” Shane asks, words tickling Ryan’s ear even over his hat.

Ryan takes a deep breath and steadies himself. “Yeah, ready.” He takes hold of the rope on the front of the sled, and hopes his breathing remains calm as Shane tucks his head against Ryan’s neck.

Shane pulls his feet up and pushes them off, and they’re sliding down the hill at a faster pace than Ryan expected, and he gasps as Shane’s arms tighten around his waist. The sled veers off course as they pick up speed, and Ryan yells “oh shit!” at the same time as Shane digs his heels into the ground to stop them.

The sled flips, and Ryan and Shane go flying through the air before collapsing on the ground a few feet away from each other.

“You okay?” Shane asks once he catches his breath.

“Yeah,” Ryan replies, still panting slightly. He’s physically unharmed, though his clothes will be soaked through soon, and he’s not looking forward to the trek back to the hotel.

“I mean… with everything. Are you alright?” Shane asks, after a beat of silence.

Ryan frowns. “Fine,” he says, “why?” He’s still looking up at the cloudy sky, but he hears Shane turn, feels his eyes on him.

“Last night,” Shane says, “you were scared.”

“Yeah,” Ryan laughs slightly, turning to face Shane. “That’s kind of my thing.” They must have landed a lot closer than Ryan thought, or maybe Shane shuffled towards him at some point.

“Ryan. C’mon,” Shane’s looking at him seriously. “You can tell me what’s up.”

Ryan swallows, takes a breath and lets it out slowly, watches the air fog up and rise. “The whole place… it felt weird. I know you don’t think ghosts are real, and don’t believe in the whole feelings thing, but the whole building had a bad vibe. Like people suffered there.” He wipes at his face, exhausted even though he got plenty of sleep. “It was wrong. They were kids, and they were alone, and abandoned by the people who were supposed to protect them. And--” he cuts himself off, sighs again and closes his eyes. “Forget it.”

“You cared about them,” Shane says, and Ryan nods. “You care about all of them.”

“When they’re kids? Yeah,” Ryan replies. “It’s kind of hard to not give a shit.”

“I know,” Shane murmurs quietly, and Ryan opens his eyes to see Shane looking serious and sad. “I don’t ever believe in ghosts, but I really hope they aren’t real when it’s stuff like this,” he admits. “The kids deserve better.”

Ryan nods, scrunches his nose at the feeling of snow against his face. He watches Shane stand up and takes the offered hand, pulls himself to his feet.

“We better get going,” he says, and dusts the snow off his jacket with one hand. His other hand is still holding Shane’s, and he frowns as Shane squeezes it.

He’s still looking at their hands when Shane takes a step forward, and he looks up to ask what he’s doing when Shane leans down and kisses him.

Ryan raises his eyebrows, parts his lips in surprise, and Shane takes the chance to explore his mouth, stepping again closer and taking Ryan’s other hand in his own.

They kiss for what could be minutes or hours, holding hands as the snow melts on their clothes, and Ryan only pulls back to catch his breath. He goes back in for another quick kiss, and Shane bumps their noses together on purpose. Ryan smiles, laughing a little, and Shane kisses it from him.

“Hotel?” Shane asks as he finally steps away, going to pick up the overturned sled.

“Yeah,” Ryan replies, taking Shane’s hand again.

They make their way back up the hill, and Ryan complains about the snow the entire way there, just so Shane will kiss him and shut him up.

**Author's Note:**

> title from god rest ye merry gentlemen.
> 
> the holiday traditions are real! and the alaskan orphanage is based on the old jesse lee home for children.
> 
> i have no evidence that shane is bad at ice skating, or that ryan is good at it, but let's ignore that.
> 
> not beta read, any mistakes are my own.


End file.
